Agency and Accountabilty

I think the biggest key factor for my children is agency.  It has been something we have worked hard at teaching our children since the beginning.  You make choices every day.  You can't always choose the consequences that come with those choices though.

One unique thing I learned from Austin was at a young age, he asked a ton of questions.  One of his favorite stemmed from what would happen if....?  He wanted to know the consequence to everything.  If he disobeyed, what would happen.  If he did something, what would happen.  If he didn't do something, what would happen.  I was always having to lay out all the consequences from the beginning. I learned form him how important it is to teach your children choices and consequences.  When I thought about it in my life.  I like to know the consequences of my actions when I make decisions.  It is a key to learning and growing.

I am like every parent, who wants to shield their children from their consequences.  I have made mistakes.  I have tried to help alleviate the pain and sorrow from their wrong choices.  The best lessons have been learned when they learn from their choices.  

Another thing that took me a while to learn was how to react when they make bad choices.  If I get mad at them, then they can turn their anger and bad feelings towards me.  But when I say, something like, how do you feel about it.  They tend to be more repentant and to have a better understanding of what they did wrong and they are allowed to feel those bad feelings.  Then, I can help them work through those bad feelings.  Really, that is our role as parents.  We are to be the ones who love and help them to learn how to make things right.  We all make mistakes.  Our Father in Heaven knows that.  It has been my experience when I turn to Him, he doesn't get mad and make me feel worse.  If I have a repentant heart.  He is standing there ready and waiting to love me and help me make it right.  It wouldn't feel as good to not have to work for it.  Sometimes we have to say we are sorry.  Sometimes we have to make amends for our wrongs.  And it is hard work.  But it feels better once we have made it right.  Forgiveness is such a powerful thing.

Lastly, I remember going to a conference in Hawaii while I was still a young mom.  A speaker had done research and had found that the key indicator after following a group of kids though their youth and on to marriage, was personal prayer and personal scripture study.  I have made an effort to teach my children to pray on their own.  To read their scriptures on their own.  It isn't always easy.  We have to remind them.  We have to teach them to move from the readers to the scriptures.  They do it.  They are learning for themselves.  My 7 year old is reading the Book of Mormon all by herself.  She is through 2nd Nephi.  The Isaiah chapters.  She might not understand it all.  But when I talk to her about it, she understands some.  She is learning for herself.  She is finding joy in reading for herself.

And that makes all the difference.  I don't remember ever forcing my children to do something.  My kids wake up for seminary on their own.  They make their own breakfast.  Their own lunch.  They are learning for themselves.  My oldest wants to go on a mission when he turns 18.  We have talked about it several times.  I have let him know that I love him with all of my heart.  It is his decision to serve a mission.  It is his decision to out in his papers when he is 18.  It is his decision.

One more thing.  I am blessed to know the gospel is true.  Always have.  Probably always will.  No doubts.  It is a gift.  In Doctrine and Covenants 46, is reads,

 11 For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.

 12 To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.

 13 To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world.

 14 To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.

 15 And again, to some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know thedifferences of administration, as it will be pleasing unto the same Lord, according as the Lord will, suiting his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men.

 16 And again, it is given by the Holy Ghost to some to know the diversities of operations, whether they be of God, that the manifestations of the Spirit may be given to every man to profit withal.

 17 And again, verily I say unto you, to some is given, by the Spirit of God, the word of wisdom.

 18 To another is given the word of knowledge, that all may be taught to be wise and to have knowledge.

 19 And again, to some it is given to have faith to be healed;

 20 And to others it is given to have faith to heal.

 21 And again, to some is given the working of miracles;

 22 And to others it is given to prophesy;

 23 And to others the discerning of spirits.

 24 And again, it is given to some to speak with tongues;

 25 And to another is given the interpretation of tongues.

 26 And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God.

I believe I have been given the gift to know that it is true.  Not all have that gift.  I have a child who has questioned multiple times, the truth of it.  We sit and talk and then I tell that child to pray to know for themselves.  To study for themselves.  It is good to ask questions.  It is okay to have doubts sometimes.  We just need to be sure we are going to truthful sources to find out about it.  We don't go to a science book to learn about how to write an essay.  We must go to the scriptures themselves and to God, to truly know Him.  Prayer and Scripture study are the key for learning for ourselves.  

I don't know a lot of things.  I do know that when I turn to Him.  When I trust in Him.  When I follow Him, I am happier.  I find greater joy in life.  Greater peace.  Greater love.  And a greater capacity to do more and to be more.